As I am Processing this last week, remembering my mom and the celebration of my nephew Luke being born 3 yrs. after my mom passed. I think to myself how far I have come in these last 2 years! I truly never thought my mind had anything to do with what my body was doing or how toxic they truly were to me and the people around me, it affected them just as much.
When i hear Dr Caroline Leaf speak at the Beautiful Day conference here in town. It was building on what I had learned in The Rev University class I took called Rewired. That started me on a healing journey to renew my mind from the inside out. I saw that I could capture my thoughts and the verse that rang in our heads during that class was Philippians 4:8, Finally brothers whatever is true whatever is noble, right pure, lovely, admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think on such things. That got me thinking about what I was thinking on in the 17 years after my mom and Grandma passed and the weight of the mud caked on my mind that grew a pit of snakes weaving in my head that I could not get away from. The Enemy had me right where he wanted me where he could mold me into his soldier, which i was for such a long time. Holding up the mask to my face veiling it for so long not even trying to deal with it. All the while life was happening around me that i was fully not aware of if I am being brutally honest. I was numb to a lot, Dad starting to date again then marrying Joan my stepmom. Things started happening in my body that I just thought was normal wear and tear from My Cerebral palsy.
War in the mind, you heard me talk about the mud that was caked on in my mind and i was in the center in the dark pit of snakes that took me over. My mind was sending messages to the body to go in to fight or flight mode. Haha truly i was in Flight mode i did not speak up anything that someone said just piled on like the Friend's episode where Joey puts on all of his clothes in his closet. I did not deal with it i just kept piling it on. I was not aware of how this was affecting my body. I put so much trauma on myself by having those toxic thoughts and how i processed in my body talking death to me mind calling myself stupid not worthy fat cow pig, hitting and bruising myself because I did not know how to process in my mind to say I need help and I truly felt shame, I was the good Christian girl I should not be doing this. My tree of toxic was growing dark and cold and hard in spots. I did not have the Armor on to combat these toxic lies and the snake pit. I had to be the one to Activate the green in my tree. No one else could see or process the light for me. I had to wield my axe to the dark and hard metal of my Toxic tree, breaking ⛓chain's. taking all the knots inside my body to loosen those weights that bogged me down. I waited and waited for those weights to break off but i was not ready to do the mess of the work. The depression and fear and anxiety I built a fortress.
Now I am Battle ready, I have learned to decode my mind and rewire and renew the brain 🧠 with the Help of Phil. 4:8Romans 7:15-19 when we have to start putting into practice what the Lord is telling you to do. It is like the saying that Alisa Keeton (founder of Revelation Wellness) says Embrace the Suck and do the work. 2 Timothy 3:6 that they are the kind that worms or slithers into your homes and gains control of the evil that the enemy has planted. We have to combat those with the belt of truth remembering that we have been fitted with the armor we just have to Activate it to have the perfect fit.
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